


Cloudy Nights

by LazuliTears



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Soulmark AU, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-08
Updated: 2015-11-08
Packaged: 2018-04-30 14:56:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5168057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LazuliTears/pseuds/LazuliTears
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just because a few clouds covered the sky, doesn't mean that the moon and stars have disappeared.</p><p>He's still trying to remind himself of this, every single night.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cloudy Nights

**Author's Note:**

> So!! I haven't written in a while, but I tried doing something for yamaguchi week on Tumblr!
> 
> This fic takes place on the same universe as the other [soulmark au fic](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3386294) I did a long time ago. The only reason why you need to read the first one before this is if you want an explanation on how this universe's soulmarks work. But!! You can read it as it is idk.
> 
> I hope you enjoy Tsukki being sappy as heck :^)

Although his days pass by him like a breeze, his doubts still stood tall and lean. It was a sturdy boulder amidst his ocean of a mind— unmoving and almost impossible to corrode.

But just like his anxiety, the waves that move against it are persistent. And after a while, he calms down under the soothing touch of his beloved.

He still can't quite fully accept it— or rather, himself. Ever since he was a child, he had thought that he was alone. That isn't the case anymore. It shouldn't be, right?

It's a constant battle. To believe in their love, or not to. To deem himself worthy, or not at all.

_Do you really deserve him?_

_You do. You're meant for each other._

_But does he really love you?_

_Of course he does._

_Do you believe that?_

_Do you love him? Or are you simply hanging on to him and his mark?_

It was as if the moment he discovered the stars in his skin, the weight of an entire galaxy was placed on his shoulders. He was faltering by every step. And the worst he could imagine is to burden someone else with it.

_Your marks don't mean anything._

But even though he knew for a fact that Kei, as perceptive as this boy is, is catching on with the things going on in his mind, the blond still kisses him with the gentleness he has known to love. He still looks at him with soft eyes from far, still makes those stars shine bright when they're alone, still traces every constellation etched on his face, his chest, down to his stomach with the tips of his fingers.

And most of all, even when Kei lagged behind, put his pride and apathy in front of him at times, and even disappears behind the cold walls he had set around himself, he didn't fail to catch up and let the other in eventually. It was something he has never done in their younger years.

Kei changed so much because of him, _for_ him.

_You don't deserve him, Tadashi._

The very thoughts brought an anchor to his stomach. He shouldn't be thinking such things. It was tearing him apart.

One night, Kei stops showering him with affection so suddenly, looks at him, and then pulls him in a silent embrace. It took him a while to realize that he had soaked the blond's shirt with tears he had been keeping in for a while.

He almost didn't want to pry away, in fear of facing him and being seen as something so pathetic. But he wanted to push away as well, to run away and solve this damn thing himself.

As if hearing the pleas of the other half of his heart, Kei releases his hold. Tadashi feels him lift his chin up to face him, but he closes his eyes instead.

He was drowning in agony for the next few seconds of silence.

"Hey," His voice was firm, but pliant. Kei worriedly thumbs at a group of freckles on his cheek. It was more of an unconscious action he does at this point now. It never fails to bring him comfort. "...I know we haven't been able to see each other for the past week and..."

"No, no! It's not that! I mean—" Tadashi was quick to cut him off. He wipes his face with the helm of his sleeves abashedly, and directs his gaze elsewhere. "I know... That you've been busy and all... With your entrance exams and what not. I-I understand!"

"Still. It doesn't give me the excuse to neglect you like this,"

Tadashi felt his chest constrict. "I know. I know, Tsukki. It's okay. I swear. But... It's... It's not that,"

"Then what is it?" Kei grabs his hand and levels their gazes. "Something's been bothering you and I can tell. You're crying again,"

"It's nothing. Just forget it, okay? I'm sorry I worried you,"

"If it's really nothing, then why won't you tell me?"

 _Because it's dumb and stupid and pathetic,_ he wanted to say. But he remains silent.

Kei looks at him with a calculating gaze, reeling in answers from the lack of response from the boy in his arms. His eyes were restless, flicking up at the blond and then elsewhere, and so were his hands that were toying with the edge of his shirt. Tadashi felt absolutely rigid under his mercy sometimes.

Kei means no harm despite his appearance. Tadashi should know this. He sighs instead, and speaks softly.

"Tadashi. You've been looking at me for the past few days like you're guilty of murder,"

Tadashi can't help but let out a laugh and Kei smiles at him in turn. He pinches Tadashi's nose, and blue reflects against his amber eyes as the stars on the other's cheeks glow brighter at the gesture.

"Aha... So you _are_ guilty. I guess I should lynch out the criminal then," Mischief laced his voice, and before Tadashi could react, Kei had poked his side.

He yelps, and then laughs, and tries to scoot farther from the blond. Kei chases after him, fingers digging into a sensitive spot around Tadashi's waist. The sound of the freckled boy's pleas and laughter fills his ears.

"No, no, no, no— Stop that! Tsukki—" He breathes. But Kei does the opposite, and renders the other vulnerable with their back on the mattress. Kei climbs on top of him, and sits on his lap with his knees bracketing his sides.

And for a moment, Tadashi forgets every single one of his woes. When Kei brings his hands to his face, and leaves traces of his lips on every single freckle— every star—his heart grows in weight.

But it was for this very reason that he feels compelled to push away. If it was because of the overwhelming affection, or the overwhelming anxiousness that's simmering at the very bottom of his chest— he doesn't know. He doesn't know what to make of the pain.

"...Can't you tell me?" His loud thoughts were broken by a whisper from the boy above him. "...Please? Can't you tell me what's bothering you?"

Kei had felt the tenseness in his hold again. Reluctant.

Tadashi sighs heavily after a second.

"I don't know... I don't know what's wrong with me, Tsukki," The smile he gave him hid his crippling doubts. He brings a hand to the blond's chest, right against the crescent-shaped mark hidden underneath thin clothes, and he realizes that his hand has been shaking.

Strong blue glow seeps through his fingers, flickering slightly and in sync with the other's heartbeat.

Kei waits for him to find his words, and idly traces constellations on his cheeks like he always does.

"You do so much for me and I... I feel like this... I don't know why... It's not your fault but I—" He chokes on air, and he exhales to clear his lungs before continuing. "I don't deserve you... And you don't deserve someone so petty... I can't even bring t-to... I just..."

Tadashi had closed his stinging eyes as he blabbers out. He's not even sure if he's making sense. But Kei continues to gently rub the skin on his cheeks to comfort him, and it makes him feel so light and so heavy at the same time.

"...I can't love myself as much as you love me, Kei... I'm sorry..."

He feels shame in sobbing out the last sentence like that. He decides to just shut up before Kei tells him to.

But he didn't. Instead, Kei ever so slowly sits up, and tugs Tadashi with him. The freckled boy finds himself against the other's chest again. Only this time, the arms around him were tighter.

It takes a while for him to speak. And when he does, he almost misses his voice.

"It's okay. It's okay," He repeats over and over. "That's something... You can't fix right away. I know. And it's okay,"

Tadashi feels the vibrancy of the laugh the other makes. It sounded two tones off of being light, however.

"I guess... You're speaking for two,"

At that, he was rendered silent once again. And Kei's grip on him tightens, as if to keep pieces of both of them from falling apart.

"It's okay to feel like that. Because sometimes I..." Kei buries his head on Tadashi's shoulder. His voice was too quiet, harboring a certain thickness to it that Tadashi has never heard before. "...I don't... Feel very proud of myself too,"

Tadashi lets Kei dig the worries of his own heart up to the surface.

"...I never did treat you right when we were kids. Sometimes I feel like I'm not doing a good job making it up for you," He breathes the words out quickly. "But that doesn't change the fact that I... I love you, okay? I always have,"

He pries away from Kei's hold by an inch, his hand on the other's mark, and he looks at those soft eyes he came to trust so much despite of what he believes in.

"Aren't I taking too long to come to terms with this?" He laughs forlornly. It sounds too much like a choke.

Kei shakes his head. "No. And even if you do, I'll do my best to walk with you through it,"

He feels like sinking with his heart as heavy as an anchor. It didn't sound so bad, however.

Tadashi lets himself get pulled in by Kei's lips, lets himself drown in his scent and his touch and the glowing blue his crescent moon provides him, lets himself get lost in their passion, lets Kei take his pain away at least for another night.

It never did go away, no matter how much he tried to fight it. His doubt still rears its ugly head from time to time, to remind him of the things that he used to hate about himself.

But even if he was dragging himself down, his words were enough to make him doubt less, and believe more. It was something, even if it's just bit by bit.

 

* * *

* * *

 

"You know how navigators use stars to find their way around places?" The blond speaks after a while, after they had long caught their breath.

They lay under the sheets to hide their vulnerable and naked selves from the world around them, their limbs tangled with one another in a warm embrace, and the light from their marks steadily illuminating their shared smiles.

"Yeah?" Tadashi lifts his head up.

Kei once again traces his fingers on a constellation lining from one side of his cheek all the way down the base of his neck. He never gets tired of it. "I guess you could call me a navigator then? Since you light up my path and all,"

"Wow. Go to bed, Tsukki,"

"Hey, I _am_ in bed. With you," He grins that stupidly charming grin of his.

" _Good night,_ Tsukki,"

"Aww, tired already, 'Dashi? I'm not sleeping 'til we go for another round," He pokes Tadashi's sides, and the freckled boy yelps. "Or you know, until you throw a pick-up line that's equally as lame,"

"At least you know it's lame,"

"Come on,"

"Eh..." Tadashi hums in thought. "You know that... Um... Lasso over the moon thing— Uhh—"

Kei snickers under his breath, but fails from concealing his amusement. "What?"

"Yeah... Wait, let me try that again," He props himself on his elbows with a thoughtful pout on his lips. He struggles with the words that were clearly borrowed from a movie. "Um— If I could catch the moon with a lasso, I would give it to— Okay, you know what? Forget it. I'll take that second round,"

Kei's laugh resounds throughout their shared bedroom. And the pleasant sound syncs with the flickering glow of his mark. Tadashi does nothing except hit him lightly with his hand. But that doesn’t stop Kei from giggling louder.

Tadashi rolls on top of him with a groan, grabs his face and shuts him up with his lips.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Okay I didn't intend for this to be so angsty....lol.... But eyy, it happened. 
> 
> The bonus bit at the end is a reference to the 1946 film "It's a Wonderful Life". There was a scene there between George Bailey and Mary Hatch that went as such:  
>    
>  _What is it you want, Mary? What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Hey. That's a pretty good idea. I'll give you the moon, Mary._
> 
> _I'll take it. then what?_
> 
> _Well, then you can swallow it, and it'll all dissolve, see... and the moonbeams would shoot out of your fingers and your toes and the ends of your hair... am I talking too much?_
> 
> .....It doesn't sound as romantic as I thought it would be lmao.


End file.
